It’s 6:30. In our old world, we would be enjoying coffee and waiting for one of the girls to run upstairs, knock on the door, and ask “Would you like to eat?” Then we would walk downstairs, into the kitchen, and sit at the table to eat a feast of beans, eggs, and sometimes rice or plantains. Tonight I ate a salad and some turkey. Jd ate a sandwich. No one knocked on the door to ask if we would like to eat. No one asked us how to say things in English. We didn’t have to translate our thoughts into Spanish, we just said them. 

Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy salad, turkey, and speaking English. I am glad I am taking hot showers, riding in the air conditioning, and drinking diet Dr. Pepper. Don’t get me wrong, I prayed at times that God would just get me the heck out of Honduras, I just didn’t know He was listening, and I didn’t really mean it. But He did. 

He called us to leave our friends and families. Today, I found myself missing Jaime, missing Ruth, Arturo, Abby, Noemi, and Stephanny. I found myself feeling sad, grievous, and just wondering what the heck God is doing. So, I am sad. I am missing part of my world. 

When we were leaving Honduras, our maid told Jd that they would be “falta”. In other words, they would now be missing something. We are missing something, too. The Neinasts are now “falta”.

 

 

This is the mail out we sent to our supporters this month. We are back in Texas, we arrived this afternoon. We are staying at my mom’s and trying to get settled and figure things out. Please be in prayer for us in this transition time, that we get settled, for Jd’s health, and that our marriage will continue to be strong in the midst of this trial. We will be in touch and if you need our phone numbers, e-mail kacyneinast@gmail.com

 

Dear Friends and Family,

The month of March has been very eventful for us here in Honduras. As
I write this, we are packing our remaining belongings to return to
Texas.  Since our arrival on February 2nd, JD has had eleven crippling
migraines, and after a serious of doctor visits and different
medications, we have decided to return to the United States to seek
treatment. We prayed over this decision, sought counsel from a series
of Godly supporters, and came to the conclusion that our ministry here
is not effective if we are ill. We need to take care of the missionary
to continue the mission.  We will return on March 21, and have been
setting up a skeleton framework for our return. We will be visiting a
neurologist to get a proper diagnosis for JD and a plan of action for
his health. We have a place to stay, and both of our previous
employers are interested in us returning should we choose.

To say we are sad would be a gross understatement. We are devastated
to leave the people we love. Our church and our school have been very
understanding in all of this, and we have their full support and love
as we seek God in this. While our hearts desire to return to Honduras
one day, we do not know what God has for us, and what exactly He is
doing in all of this. We do know that He, for some reason, has called
us back to Texas, and that we will be obedient to Him and continue to
seek His will for us. We are blessed to have a support system here
that loves us and wants what is best for us, so we know that we leave
Honduras on good terms.

We cannot express how grateful we are to each and every one of you for
supporting us in our time in Honduras. We have been blessed knowing
that we have a support system praying for us in the states, and we are
forever thankful. Please know that we desire for each and every one of
you to stay in contact with us, through facebook, or our website, and
that we will be updating you if and when we are called to return to
Honduras. Know that the support you have sent us has been fully given
to the people of Honduras, whether in monetary donations or in items
they have needed. We are grateful for the work you have done in
spreading the gospel in Honduras and pray that the work here will not
cease.

With much love,
Kacy and JD Neinast

Four years ago, at this hour, I was at a wedding. It was my own, and I must say it was the best wedding I have ever been to. Our colors were red and aqua, and I have yet to see another color scheme at a wedding that I like as much (although I did see a stunning grey and yellow color scheme this winter). We had beautiful tulips, great music, good food, and a Guinness cake. 

It has been quite a busy four years for us, including two pet adoptions, graduating from college, and an international move. I am so glad I married Jd, he is wonderful for me and helps me grow to know the Lord more. 

Love you, JD.

I was listening to a sermon today while walking. Something in the sermon really brought me much peace. Matty C was talking about how big God is. He was saying that we humans are so ridiculous because we think that we actually matter in the large scheme of things, and how God is really the center of it all. How we think we are so awesome, and we can’t even figure out time travel, and God is outside of time.

HE IS OUTSIDE OF TIME. It doesn’t exist for Him.

And then this struck me, as my heart was thirsty for this truth.

God is already in tomorrow. Not “He knows what’s going to happen”, not “He planned it so He’s got it covered”.

He is there.

He is here preparing me for tomorrow.

He is there. 

Already.

I’m glad to know that and rest in that.

Well, I write this as we have just gotten our internet service back after five days, possibly more, I lost count. In the past week, we have had two entire days without electricity. The first was a full 19 hours, the second was a 10 hour day. No electricity means no water also, because you can’t run the pump without electricity.

I am feeling beat down.

I have been sick with a headache and allergies for the past four days.

There is a boy in my class who screams and cries when it is time for English class, and then when he actually gets in the classroom, has started to run out, screaming “I don’t want her to touch me. She is a bad woman!” This may sound funny to some, but the sight of a child running from you in terror has brought me to tears on multiple occasions. I didn’t do anything to him, he just decided that he is scared of me. It has happened everyday since school started, and being hated is beginning to wear on me.

Jd has a migraine again today. He has had them very frequently, and despite the medicine that is supposed to prevent them, they have come back. I have been very concerned, because Jd had a migraine induced stroke when he was 14, and with the frequency at which they are occurring, I am afraid it will happen again.

Remember when I wrote about the problems in the school? The government made this list of teachers who supposedly owe the government L.100,000. The list is completely fictitious and merely a ploy by the government to beat down the teachers mentally. The list gets printed every few days and on Friday Arturo’s name was on the list. I am very nervous that he is not going to get paid anymore. The school’s have been striking already, and school just started a few weeks ago. Things are getting bad, and quickly. 

My friend Allison sent me a message today on Facebook and reminded me of what we know to be true. 

“I’ll be praying for you and Jd- sorry to hear everything going on… when it seems like everything is going against me- I am reminded of Habakkuk… waiting on being invaded by an army, but he continues to rejoice in the Lord…

3:16-17 
“I heard and my heart pounded, 
my lips quivered at the sound; 
decay crept into my bones, 
and my legs trembled. 
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity 
to come on the nation invading us. 
Though the fig tree does not bud 
and there are no grapes on the vines, 
though the olive crop fails 
and the fields produce no food, 
though there are no sheep in the pen 
and no cattle in the stalls, 
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, 
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign LORD is my strength; 
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 
he enables me to tread on the heights.”

Because the truth of the matter is that God is in control of everything. He is not surprised by names on a list, migraines re-apearring, or tears invoke in grief. So, we will continue to rejoice in Him, find our joy and strength in Him, even if the fig tree isn’t budding.

I read this today…

Follow us on twitter   |   Join our Facebook page   HOME Where it all begins!       Stay in Touch with the rental of GSM & 3G Phones, Data & SIM Cards in Costa Rica! | Get Inside Costa Rica In Your Email Daily. Click here!       INSIDECOSTARICA.COM |  CENTRAL AMERICA NEWS BRIEFS |  Friday 25 February 2011 45 Percent of Honduran Teenagers Abandon School  Tegucigalpa  -  45 percent of the middle school students in Honduras abandon their studies after turning 14 to engage in illegal activities or work, local press released. La Prensa newspaper published that the lack of employment opportunities and defection are the causes for young people leave school at an early age and get involved with criminal groups, gangs and organized crime. According to studies carried out by a program dedicated to youngsters last year 1,155 teenagers were involved with mara gangs (64percent more than in 2005) in San Pedro Sula, which is the second largest city in the country behind the capital. According to the report teenagers graduate from primary school and the 45 percent do not finish the first year ofsecondary school due to the difficult economic situation of the country which forces young people to seek jobs to support home. To stop and prevent youth violence the Regional Youth Alliance Project recommends creating social rehabilitation centers in the trouble spots.

 

Yep. 45% of Honduran kids don’t finish school. I was interested in this because we had an at length conversation with Arturo the other night about how screwed up the public school system is here. He was saying that the Honduran government doesn’t support public education because they want to keep the public ignorant so that the rich can stay rich and the poor will stay poor. He was telling us how if you look back at the ancestry of Honduran public officials, they all come from the same blood line. They are interested in keeping it that way…socialistic is another way to say that. 

He was telling us that the government bullies the teachers. There are teachers who support changing the laws, and the government won’t pay them. There are teachers who have worked for an entire year and not gotten paid. These same teachers have their names listed in the public newspapers because the apparently owe the government money. He was also telling us that the current president of Honduras has decided that nothing will change and no laws will be passed concerning the school system while he is in office. So, for the next three years, nothing will change. This is because the government doesn’t care about the future of Honduras, they care only about getting rich while they are in office and then leaving the mess to the next guy. And becoming best friends with Hugo Chavez, who is screwing up Venezuela as we speak.

So, why would you stay in school? The most of the schools are terrible, no one is vested in your future, and, the government doesn’t want things to get better for you. They want you stuck in poverty, so they can stay in their nice cushy houses. It would make perfect sense to me to drop out, join a gang, sell drugs, beg, or sell your body instead. At least that way you are earning an income, and more than you would if you had a “real” job. 

When I hear things like this, I just wonder, “what’s the point of trying to change anything?” It’s so overwhelming at times I find myself thinking they should just blow up Honduras and start again. But there are people, like Ruth and Arturo, who are invested in the children they teach, who want things to change here, and who know that God has control of it all. He is charge of everything. So, I don’t think it will ever get fixed, because the mess here is a product of the fall. I do know that Jesus will come back, and their will be no more gangs, suffering, sex trafficking or pain for those whom He has called. I only hope that day is soon, because sometimes this mess makes me really mad. 

On Sunday morning, I woke up to find out that we had no electricity. I was annoyed. I didn’t cry, but I was annoyed. I got up, went running, came back to the house, and just sat there. 

You see, every once in a while, they just turn off the electricity. So, I assumed that since it was about eight when the electricity went off, that it would be off until 3 or 4, as is usually the case. I was bothered by this because the family had gone to Teguc, which meant full reign of the big TV, and the comfortable couch, so I was excited for a day to chill with JD and just watch a movie or something. So, the electricity turning off really bothered me. I prayed and prayed and asked God to turn it back on. Then I prayed some more. And some more. 

After my run, I was sitting there with JD, and we were just talking and I asked him “Do you think that God just does stuff every once in a while to make sure we know He is in charge?”, and Jd said he did, and I started thinking that maybe God turned off the electricity so that I wouldn’t enjoy my plans and that so He could show me He is the boss. I sat in this for a few minutes, thinking about it and letting it get under my skin.

And then I asked a question that I have wondered about often, but never said outloud.

 

I asked Jd

 

“Is God mean?”

 

And, as soon as the words left my mouth and the tears were forming, the electricity came back on. I burst into tears, that God answered my prayers, that He does listen, and that He cares for the heartache of His children. 

So, in these darks days I am having right now, I will cling to that day, when I learned that God isn’t mean, He really cares. He cares enough to sanctify us in whatever way He pleases, so we may become more like His Son. 

I just wish my sanctification included a little more Target and little less tears.

On Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, I was woken up by my alarm, which was a nice surprise considering I had spent the past two weeks waking up about five minutes before it was supposed to go off, in a complete panic. We had a  nice Valentine’s Day, and then last night there was a big cigar festival here, so we went to that. Things were feeling a little more normal. 

This morning, however, I woke up in a complete panic. Sweaty, heavy breathing, “oh no I have to get up”, panic. So I got up, went running, listened to some worship music and came back to the house. When I walked in, JD was still in bed, so of course, I think the worst. He has a migraine or is dead or something. Turns out, he just didn’t have a class until later, and was going to sleep in. So, I am stressing, to say the least. 

Then I get to school, late, of course, because Jd had an “incident” and I had to drive the girls and I after waiting for him to decide to tell me go ahead. I get in my class, we are  hanging out and then comes in the substitute principal (the other one is out on maternity leave). She brings in the book we sign into everyday and opens to my page. She informs me that under no circumstance am I to sign in any color but black. I say “Okay” and sign my name for today in a black pen that I borrowed because I HATE BLACK PENS and only have blue in my school bag. She leaves the room, and then I cry. In front of my students, I cry about having to use a black pen. 

Now, we all know it’s not really about the black pen. It’s more about two things in my head.

Number one: I signed in with whatever I had on me all of last year, this included crayon, marker, purple pen, pink pen, pencil, and blood. Okay, not blood. No one ever said anything to me about this. I am quite sure this is not really a rule and is just this lady trying to assert some authority over the gringa. This happens sometimes to me here. People just want to one up me because I am white. 

Number two: Sometimes I don’t even want to live in this country, and I take this calling that God has for me as some sort of prison sentence. This is more what the tears were from. After waking up panicked, getting yelled at while running, taking a freezing cold bucket shower, and putting on the uniform I am forced to wear, I am now not even allowed to use whatever color of ink I want. 

So, while it may seem lame to some, I did cry today over black ink. 

But more I cried because this place God has called me too, that I dreamed of for many years, is, at times, disappointing. And I cried because every part of my being wanted to say a big F.U. and write all over that stupid book in hot pink sharpie, but I knew that God put this person over me in authority and I can’t just go around acting like a turd. 

Those were some big tears of frustration. And, so tomorrow, I will get up, sign my name in black ink, and be obedient to the call that God has on my life.

Even if it annoys me. 

And it will.

I know the last post was a downer, and things have not really changed in that arena in the past few days, but I did want to move to a cheerier subject on this here blog. Today is a very special day in Honduras, as well as in other countries. It’s St. Valentine’s Day, or as we celebrate it here in Honduras, “Dia de Amor y Amistad”, Day of Love and Friendship. This morning, we headed to school, where, in my class, we decorated hearts with stickers and glitters, and I gave everyone a Valentine Card with a lollipop. They don’t exchange Valentine’s like in the States, and that totally bums me out because I love Valentine’s Day. With all the pink and glitter and hearts and things, it is just a great day to celebrate our loved ones, both romantically and otherwise. 

Today, I am celebrating with my favorite person in this world, Mr. John David “Big Boy” “Enigma” Neinast. I cannot express how much my love for Jd has grown over the past year, but spending an entire year with someone in a foreign land with make your heart and love grow. Jd is such a wonderful husband, and I am going to make a list of all the things I love and appreciate about JD…

1. He really loves Jesus and is very knowledgeable on the things of Christ.

2. He is very helpful, always asking if I need anything or what I need him to do. And when I ask him for something, he never hesitates to get it for me. 

3. He remembers the things I love, and buys them for me. In Texas, it was drinks from QT and Laffy Taffy, here in Honduras, it’s carrots and Coke Zero and pickles.

4. He loves the children at school well, and it shows in how much they love him back.

5. He is very silly, yet knows when it’s time to not act a fool.

6. He does not get dragged into my panic, my drama, or my acting a fool. He just listens, holds me, and prays for me. 

7. Sometimes he will sing a song over me when I am going to sleep. 

8. He is very understanding of my love of TV and my love of the internet.

9. He likes to read about random things, just like I do. Just last week, we researched the “Flat Earth Society”. A group of people who think the earth is flat. 

10. He reassures me and reassures me and reassures me even when I am just plain freaking out.

11. He cares about my family, and loves them well.

12. He has dance parties with Max, teaching him all things metal music. Max now refers to this one Metal song as “JD music”.

13. He doesn’t understand why the couch disappearing and being replaced with patio furniture bothers me so much, but he tries to understand and never once acts as though I am over-reacting because I am not. It’s a big deal. Where’s my dang couch!?!?!?

14. He listens to me talk about vitamins and minerals and organic what not and sometimes actually seems interested. 

15. He thinks farts are funny, and we both laugh at them. Often.

16. He goes to the store for me, and washes the dishes and does the laundry. 

17. He teaches me about baseball, football, and all things Ticket.

18. He encourages me to be more Godly, as in like pray and stuff. 

19. He prays every single night for my brother, some friends here in Honduras, and that we will have a baby. Without fail.

20. He just so dang handsome and really tries to dress well for me.

21. He likes me dressed up or in workout clothes, and doesn’t hesitate to let me know if I smell bad.

22. He makes new friends for us, because, Lord knows, if it was up to me we would never leave the house. 

23. He doesn’t mind that I go to bed early. 

24. He seeks the Lord in all things, and teaches me daily of the faithfulness of the Lord.

25. He gives a great hug.

Jd, I love you. Please don’t die. Thanks.

My re-adjustment into life here has been less than pleasant, for both myself and JD. There has not been one day since we have been back that I have not woken up before my alarm, in a complete panic, and then proceeded to cry. 

I really feel as though I have been under spiritual attack. Some of my anxiety and fears came from something I needed to share with JD concerning where our ministry is headed. I shared with him my heart on Wednesday morning, right before school, which was excellent timing on my part. Always barf your feelings out ten minutes before you need to leave for school.

There was one day this week where I seriously considered leaving Honduras. I was struggling that much. I told JD through tears that I wanted to leave. He stayed home from school and sought some counsel on what needed to happen. We talked that afternoon with our Missions Pastor, and he really was encouraging. We prayed and I cried, and just shared my heart about what I was feeling. Last night we just stayed in and watched Dexter and relaxed a bit. I was hoping my anxiety would be gone, but going to bed has become an anxious time for me because I know what the morning brings. 

I woke this morning at 7:30. I laid in bed, slept a little more, and finally really woke up about 9. Commence tears. Commence panic. Commence cries to Jd that “I am sorry I cause you so much trouble”. I e-mailed my mom and just shared all that was going on, then I set out on a run. I really still felt the spiritual attack, but I turned my ipod on “Jesus” music and ran. About an hour into my run, I felt peaceful. Almost normal. I came home and my mom had e-mailed me that she had stopped while on a retreat with my step-dad and the whole group had prayed for me. 

My anxiety has returned and as I write this, I am feeling panicky and teary-eyed. So, if you are a prayer, please pray for me. Pray that there will be protection over our home, that God will bring His peace and clarity on our situation. 

In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust. Psalm 4: 8