Well, I know I kind of left everyone with some great, amazing, unbelievable news and then just disappeared for a bit. I needed to catch my breath. What a strange reality Jd and I live in now.
God healed him.
God heard this plea for healing from His children and He answered in a miraculous way.

Each day I have about a gazillion emotions about this miracle. I wake with a panic most mornings, my body still living in the nightmare, getting attacked by thoughts of doubt and fear and “what ifs”. Then I get up and get going, and then I rejoice, and then someone calls or texts and reminds me how good God is, then I praise and I rest in His healing grace. Then I panic, then I rest, then I panic, then I doubt, then I cry.

I cry tears of joy and tears of pain and all those pent up tears I didn’t shed in that month when I was planning my husband’s funeral with him. And I cry because I was so scared. And I cry because my husband still struggles. And I cry because I cannot believe it. I cannot wrap my head around a miraculous healing.

I can wrap my head around chemo. I can understand radiation. There are books about that. There are books and people and support groups. Where is the “my husband almost died and then was just fine one day and I feel like I am going to barf” support group? It’s not online, I looked.

It’s hard. Living in this miracle, seeing God shine His crazy, unmanageable love on me and on JD. Praying for something so huge. So miraculous. So in-explainable. And it happened.

I called a friend the day after we heard the news. I was sobbing. It was not from joy or relief, it was out of terror. I was terrified that the phone would ring and there would be a mistake. I am still scared of that. And she reminded me to rest in the truth…

The truth that I saw with my own eyes that there was nothing on that MRI.
The truth that God answered my prayer.
The truth that God was there through this tumor and He will still be there if it comes back.
The truth that miracles happen, and one happened to JD.
The truth that God is wild, miraculous, crazy, but trustworthy.
He is good and sovereign. He healed Jd. And, more importantly than that he healed Jd’s brain, He healed our hearts on the cross.

So, yeah, this is nuts, and crazy and exciting, and just plain unpredictable. Yeah, I doubt. But some of the disciples doubted, and so I feel I am in good company with that.

Because God is unpredictable. He intervenes in crazy ways for His glory. Jd’s surgery was postponed because of a heart attack, for pete’s sake! He intervenes in ways that made me angry, anxious, fearful, and just plain hurt. But He did it for His glory and He has been glorified!

Because GOD DID THIS. God is that big and powerful and amazing.

Psalm 30:11-12

11 You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
12 that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

p.s. We had fun in Boston, and my sister had her baby. A son named Graham David Vanderveer. David is JD’s middle name and everytime we share his name we will remember what God has done for JD!

On July 13, Jd was diagnosed with a large mass in his brain. The
doctor took three MRI scans and Jd saw them all. The news was bad. We
waited on God’s timing and for almost a month lived in fear and
anxiety, trusting that God would hold us through whatever was to come.
We joined with the saints all around the globe to pray for healing for
Jd, to pray that the tumor would be gone from his head and God would
be glorified above all.

On Thursday, Jd and I met with Dr. Barnett at Baylor Dallas. He put
Jd’s newest MRI scan up on the screen and informed us that there was
no longer a tumor, only a centimeter long cyst that was no cause for
concern or surgery. He did not know what happened to the tumor we saw,
only that God had shown His favor on us. We are amazed, astonished,
and overwhelmed that God would heal Jd is such a powerful and
magnificent way.

 We are still processing exactly what happened, as we
find it hard to live in a miracle.

WE ARE AMAZED AND SO GRATEFUL TO THE HEALER OF ALL MEN! Praise be to
God, who hears and answers the prayers of the saints. He did this! He
heard our prayers for healing and He healed JD!

For right now, Jd is still experiencing some of the side effects of
the tumor, but Dr. Barnett has referred us to a neurolgist to check on
those symptoms and see what is causing them. We are also going to be
taking a short trip to Boston (Jd’s favorite city ever and closer than
our beloved Honduras) to spend some time catching our breath and
celebrating what God has done. We will be back in DFW on Thursday and
hope to have a celebration party in the next few weeks. We cannot
begin to thank everyone for the love and ferocious prayer that was
sent up on our behalf. Please continue to pray for Jd’s health, that these migraines will also be healed, and please pray for safety on our trip to Boston.

There is no doubt in our minds that God
performed a miracle and healed Jd, and we know He heard our prayers.

Psalm 103:1-3
103:1 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and all that is within me,
bless his holy name!
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
3 who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases.

Dear Brain Tumor,

I hate you. You are ruining my life. I remember when I did not know you existed, and I thought my worst problem was being a crazy eating-disorder girl. It was only three weeks ago, I learned of you, yet it seems like you have always been there. I remember when I found out about you, and to this day still wish I could have had a few more hours of not knowing. Because of you, I wake everyday to realize I live in a nightmare where I am 27 years old and my husband may die soon. Because of you, I panic when someone calls because it might be a doctor telling us a scan has gone missing or that surgery is cancelled. Because of you, I am discussing a living will and funeral plans with my 30 year old husband. Because of you, he cannot sleep at night, has migraines during the day, and experiences a constant cold feeling in his head.

So, to say I am angry at you would be a gross understatement. But it is you I am angry at. I wish I could say that life will get better one day, or that things will turn around, but I just don’t know anything right now. Because of you, brain tumor, I cannot plan anything. YOU ARE RUINING MY PLANS! This is not how it was supposed to be in my head. In my plans.

But, brain tumor. you cannot take away God. Because while you ransack my heart and terrify me, He holds me. He is faithful, He is working, even if the waiting is making me super pissed off. Even if I cry, scream, and throw my phone. He still holds me, and the great thing is that He is bigger than you, tumor. So, He will heal Jd. Eventually, brain tumor, you will go away, in some way or another. Because He was here before this tumor began, He was not surprised by you, and He will be here after you leave.

So, please leave brain tumor. You have scared us enough and we are ready for you to be gone. But know, that even if you never leave, I will still love God and trust in His goodness.

Sincerely,

Kacy-the super pissed off one who sleeps next to the guy whose head you live in.

Jd’s surgery is rescheduled for Friday. THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTS! We were supposed to meet with the team yesterday, but it got moved to today, and now that meeting will be tomorrow. I am exhausted with the wait. I wait and I sit and I have a bagillion questions and I am living in an alternate universe.

Waiting for the surgery is so hard for me. I need to know what’s going on. There are so many unknowns to me, so many questions I have, so many things going on that I CAN’T CONTROL AND I HATE IT!

But, I was encouraged by the counselor yesterday to write down what I do know, so I am going to write a bit of that here, so I can be reminded, once again, of what is truth.

1. God is good. Regardless of what happens, He is good.
2. People all over the world are praying. We have friends in Honduras lifting us up in prayer, my brother sent a prayer lantern up for Jd in Taiwan, my friend has an entire mission group of nurses and doctors praying for us in Africa, a friend in Kenya was woken in the middle of the night and told to pray for us, people in Georgia, California, Oklahoma, Turkey, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Florida, North Dakota, and all over the state of Texas are praying for us. 50+ people showed up at my mom’s house on Monday to pray over JD and beg God for healing, people who Jd’s has lived with, people who are friends of my parents since before I was born, my first grade teacher, people we met while serving in Honduras, people we have vacationed with, and family. The amount of love being shown towards my husband gives me such a picture of how wonderful heaven in going to be.
3. Jd loves me. and I love him. and we are loved by many people.
4. God is a mighty and powerful healer. Jesus raised people from the dead in the Bible, and He still does miracles today.
5. Jd trust his surgeon.
6. God will not leave us, or forsake us. He has never left us alone, and even in the middle of the night in the ICU, HE WILL BE THERE!
7. God is always on time. I was reminded of this on CNN this morning while at the gym. Yes, on CNN, some lady said that and I didn’t even remember seeing it until later when I got home and found out the surgery was rescheduled.
8. Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
9.John 10:10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
10.Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
11.Joshua 1:9Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
12.John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
13. God is wise, and he does what is best for His children.
14.Jas 1:12: Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.
15. God knew this tumor would be there from before even the time Jd was created in His mother’s womb. He was not surprised, He has been planning it, working it, and it will come to fruition in a way that will bring ultimate glory to His name. It is a gift, He is a good, loving God, who created all things and can heal all things.

On Friday, we (Jd, myself, Amy, Mom, Scooter, Joey, Kyle, and El Rey Max) met up at the old Gaylord for a good old weekend of just plain fun. There were a few highlights and if our dang laptop and bag hadn’t been stolen, I would upload pictures, but well, that isn’t going to happen today.

1. On Friday afternoon, we hit the pool and swam for a few hours. My favorite part was when Amy and Kyle watched these two chairs for about 90 minutes and finally decided to sit in them after no one ever went to them. After sitting in them for about 45 minutes, the orginal “owners” came back and told Amy and Kyle to move. Because apparently, you can get up, leave your chair, go inside, and be totally out of the pool area for three hours and still have claim to your chair just because you leave your “hotel owned” towel on it and your book on the table next to it. It was ridiculous, and slightly awesome when the lady came back and Amy was reading her magazine.

2. We could see the fireworks on Grapevine Lake from our hotel room. Then we named them. The best name being “catalyst”. And, all this happened in the air-conditioning. Oh, and while eating huge-a$% cookies.

3. Jd and Joey were wrestling on the bed and then Scooter started wrestling, and they were all yelling, and the look on Max’s face was hilarious. He was seriously concerned for Joey’s safety. I think he secretly knew Joey could take JD, but add Scooter to the mix and things could go south real fast.

4. JD has, understandably, not been sleeping well at night, and about two on Saturday morning, after a pretty loud coughing fit, he left to go on a walk around the hotel. And, he met a friend. That is so JD, meeting some guy in the hotel atrium and hanging out with him in the middle of the night. The guy was there because he works for BeautiControl as one of their “crew” guys and they were having a convention. (I have never seen so many women with ridiculously large hair, boobs, and bad outfits in once place in all my life, it was like the Jersey Shore version of a Mary Kay Party). Jd then got up again at five, and ate, what he described at the “best banana nut muffin he had ever had in his life”. Then he went back to sleep and woke up again at ten.

4. On Saturday, we went to the water-park at the hotel. There was a lazy river, slide, zip-line,
pool, and splash pool. Max is a fish, so he loved the lazy river, and the lazy river loved him. Especially when he barfed in it, causing it to close down completely. In Max’s defense, it was only a little spit up because he swallowed some water, and well, we were the ones who told the lifeguard because every person in my family has been a lifeguard at some point, and we knew what the protocol was, so we told. And, because the lazy river closed, the bar got really backed up, causing our half-price smoothies to take forever. And once the smoothies were finally delivered, this crazy drunk lady knocked over the tray and the smoothies had to be made all over again.

So, I am pretty sure we all enjoyed ourselves, everyone got some sun, relaxed, had a few laughs. And I updated our CaringBridge blog.

 One week from today will be Jd’s surgery. The next week of our lives will be spent at doctor’s appointments, spending the weekend with family at the Gaylord, and enjoying each other’s company. We will be meeting on Monday night at my mom’s house for prayer, and a time of blessing for Jd. We will also be spending time with another family at our church in a similar situation. My hope is that the next week will be a time of sweet time for us, that we will create memories that will always remind us of the goodness of our God.

We also have been asked what our needs our, and so here they are:
1. We are asking that in lieu of meals being brought, please donate gift cards for groceries and restaurants. As we are not sure where we will be staying after the surgery, or during for that matter, we feel that gift cards will be easier for people to give. Some of our favorite places for groceries and meals are Chic-fil-A, Central Market, Whole Foods, Target, Wal-Mart, and Jason’s Deli.
2. Please know that we are welcoming visitors to the hospital during recovery, however, please text or call before coming to make sure Jd is feeling up to seeing people.
3. Please be praying for us. Prayers that all anxiety will be covered with the peace of God, that all other stresses will cease for us, and that Jd will be fully healed.

Also, I have created a caring bridge page for JD. Please check it out at here. If you register as a visitor to our site, it will automatically notify you every time we update our page.

It means so much to us to hear from you, even if it is just a text saying you are praying. God is using those words to minister to us in a powerful way. We love you all so much.

Well, here is something I never ever wanted to blog about. Ever. I am just going to copy an e-mail I sent out yesterday, not because I like sharing super private things with everyone, but more because I believe with my entire being that prayer changes things, and we need some prayers.

So, here goes:
As you know, we returned from Honduras in March as a result of Jd having
severe migraines on a daily basis. We went to the doctor and got a new
medicine, but the doctor did not think it was an urgent situation did
not see the need to do an MRI as Jd has had migraines his whole life.
Jd was encouraged to go to see his neurologist, however, did not make
an appointment for some time. For the past month, he has been feeling
off, having a “cold” sensation in his brain, and notice last week that
he was losing motor function on his right side. He made an appointment
and had an MRI and a cat scan. He went in last Thursday for the
results and was told he has a large tumor on the left side of his
brain. His doctor, Dr. Daniel, at Medical City Dallas, said he has not
ever seen one this size that was not cancerous and it looks to be a
stage three or four glioblastoma tumor. I was in Honduras while this was happening,
visiting friends, and working with Hillside Community Church. Jd told
me when I returned on Tuesday.

He went back to get two MRIs today and to schedule his biopsy. While
at the hospital, someone broke into our car and stole our laptop and
my wedding rings which Jd had just picked up from being cleaned at the
jewelers.

This is what we know so far:
Jd will have surgery on Thursday, August Fourth at Medical City
Dallas. We are not sure of the time. The surgery will consist of opening the skull and removing what they can. They will remove as much of the
tumor as possible, and then perform a biopsy to see if it is cancerous
and what grade of cancer it is. From there, we will develop a
treatment protocol and go forth.
Jd’s job has placed him on medical
leave, he will still be getting paid his regular salary and we will
still be getting full insurance benefits.
We will continue to live at my parents house, as we do not want to add the stress of moving to an
apartment to our lives at this time.

This is what we need prayer for:
Guidance and wisdom for our doctors. Jd has a long relationship with
Dr. Daniel and feels comfortable with him, praise the Lord.

The quick return of our stolen items, especially my wedding rings.

Healing. We have been praying and will continue to pray that God heal
and remove this tumor in a way that can only be credited to Him. We
fully believe that He can heal Jd without medical intervention and are
praying for that.

Our marriage to be strong, and that we will feel the covering of God’s
peace over our lives in this time.

We will keep everyone updated as soon as we receive any information. We are still in a bit of shock, and I personally am just trying to wrap my head around this news. We are both trying to be diligent in answering texts, e-mails, and phone calls, but please be gracious with us as it may take us a day or two to return all calls. I have never shied away from asking for help, and we will let everyone know our needs as soon as we figure them out ourselves.

Well, I am leaving Monday, at 3:30 a.m. to visit my beloved Honduras. Unfortunately, JD is not going to be able to visit with me, and he will be sorely missed. I am going with my mom’s church, Hillside Community, with 21 others.

So, as we go, I am asking for some prayers:

1. Safe and Hassle Free Travels – I believe this is self-explanatory.
2. Please be in prayer for my heart, that this trip would be a time of healing and not a time of undue shame and guilt over leaving Honduras.
3. For the people of Danli- pray that they are blessed by what they hear and see from our group, that God would use us in a mighty way to change the future of Honduras.
4. General Safety- That team members would remain healthy, remember not to drink the water, and not get lice, because lice a super gross and a huge fear of mine. And that fear would be healthy, not crippling, as we serve in a place that many people see as dangerous.
5. That God would work in the team members, teaching that He is our comfort, not the US, that safety is a total illusion, and that He is the one who keeps us.

Happy Fourth of July! I know Jd and I have enjoyed having such a long weekend and it was chock-full of good times and getting tan!
On Friday, we went to an engagement party for our friends Ashlee and Brent. It was our first time to meet Brent since they both live in NYC. We are already planning a trip for their wedding next summer! I also got to catch up with my good friend Emily.

On Saturday, we both went to the gym and hung out. Jd has decided to run a half marathon in October, and I am going to join him for a little moral support. After working out, I laid out by the pool and then we went to Half-Price Books, where I saw a book called “Awesome Irish Names for Babies”. Yep, someone wrote that book, and, even more amazingly, someone published it.

On Sunday, we went up to Denton to church, then came home and helped my mom get ready for a Fourth of July shindig. We swam for about four hours, ate some good food, and had a few laughs. It was a nice time.

Here’s Max doing his “trick”:

Jd took a picture of Kyle taking a picture of Max:

Today, we decided to go to the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History. We saw the Imax movie “Tornado Alley”, then we went to Barnes and Noble and shopping. We ate dinner at Fuzzy’s Tacos and have no plans to go see any fireworks. After all, they have them every Friday on Grapevine Lake so I am pretty sure we can catch some when we go to the Gaylord for a weekend later this month.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY! May we always be thankful for the blessings we have as Americans.

Happy Birthday, USA! You are a country of wonderful freedom and opportunity, so I will gladly celebrate this day with you! I will not, however, pretend that the US is the greatest country in the world. That would be Honduras.

And now, my thoughts. I was thinking yesterday about trends that I just don’t get. There are many things I have not gotten in my life, I am not a trend driven person, so often I get totally befuddled at things people choose to do.

Here are a few things I just plain don’t understand:

1. Hitting on people at the gym: I have been subject to this many a time, and it is always when I am at my sweatiest, usually lifting or something, so I wonder what someone is thinking when they come up to me and start hitting on me. I know what I am thinking and it’s usually “Um…A. I have on a wedding ring and B. I am sweating profusely so what are you doing? and C. I am not here to make friends, I am here to work out and leave”.

2. Burn-Out Shirts: You’ve seen them, they look like there are lots of holes and faded non-sense and you have to wear a shirt under them, and I just think it’s just a bit ridiculous to HAVE to wear two shirts.

3. Planking: It’s this trend where you lay down somewhere random, take a picture, and post it to twitter. Ridiculous.

4. Reading Blogs of People you don’t know and Considering them your friends: No explanation needed. I read blogs, however, I do not consider these people my friends. Friends are people you call, text, see, or talk to on a relatively regular interval, and most importantly HAVE MET IN REAL LIFE.

5. Little Dogs: This is just a personal preference, but if you are going to have a dog, at least have a real dog. Not a shitzopoodlechichuaha. Again, personal preference, not a judgement statement to small dog owners.

6. Sweaters on Dogs: Again, little explanation needed. Dogs don’t need sweaters, coats, raincoats, things like that, because God made them with fur. I did, however, dress my dog up for Halloween once, but in my defense, it was a bit and the costume was on clearance.

7. Long toenails: Gross

8. Movie Sequels: Some are necessary, but I just think sometimes the greediness of people gets in the way of genius. Sometimes we need to leave well enough alone. Like “Hangover 2″. The first one, genius. Adding another one of with the same dang shtick. Lame. And don’t get me started on “The Land Before Time”…

9. Fake Tanning: Yes, I do tan, outside in the summer. I also enjoy being tan. I do, however, wear sunscreen and think that subjecting yourself to something that causes cancer is just a bit silly. And dudes who fake tan, there is never a good enough reason.

10. People who hold their babies while smoking: Just kill yourself, not your baby.